


Filthy, Filthy Office

by Astral_Space_Dragon



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Cleaning, Dadgil, Dante gets smacked by a broom, Family Humor, Gen, Humor, Nero's sailor mouth, Vergil is irritated with Dante
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27425611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astral_Space_Dragon/pseuds/Astral_Space_Dragon
Summary: Inspired by a convo on Discord.Upon returning to the human world with Dante, Vergil discovers the sad and disgusting state the main office is in. He WILL NOT live in such squalor!Took some inspiration from the cleaning scene in Howl's Moving Castle.
Relationships: Dante & Nero (Devil May Cry), Dante & Vergil (Devil May Cry), Nero & Vergil (Devil May Cry)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 109





	Filthy, Filthy Office

When Vergil returned to the human world with Dante, they had ended up in Fortuna. With great hesitation, they went to Nero's place of residence.

After more than a few harsh words being exchanged, Kyrie, who Vergil assumed was Nero's significant other, broke up the fight and with a few scolding words, offered Dante and Vergil their shower. Vergil was quick to shove Dante aside, calling first dibs on the shower, his reason being "I'm older"

The moment Vergil stepped under the spray of hot water, it dawned on him that this was his first hot shower in a long time. Not the cold showers he would sneak into. No. A proper shower. With hot water.

After stepping out the shower, he noticed a stack of towels by the sink. After stroking the soft material, he dried off and left the bathroom, allowing Dante to have his turn.

Kyrie had left to take care of a few things, leaving Vergil and Nero alone.

After a few moments of rather awkward silence, Nero asked "Are you really back?"

The question confused Vergil at first. But one look at Nero's face, he knew the meaning of the question. The almost child-like expectation in Nero's eyes made the question make sense.

"Yes" Vergil nodded "I'm… not going anywhere"

Nero's shoulders relaxed at the answer "Good…"

"You have… questions"

Nero clenched his hands "So many"

"Start with the first one on your mind…"

"Did… did you know about me?"

Vergil sighed quietly "No… I never knew your mother was with child"

"If you knew… at the time… would… would you have stayed?"

Vergil thought about that. Would he have stayed? Would the three of them have stayed in Fortuna? Or moved somewhere else? So many questions. So many "what ifs".

Finally, Vergil answered "I… I'm not sure. At the time, I was so absorbed in my need for power, virtually nothing else was on my mind"

Nero looked downwards. He understood the answer. The "what ifs".

"Still" Vergil continued "During my time in the Underworld with Dante, I… I found myself wondering… what would have life been like… had I stayed"

Nero said nothing, allowing Vergil to continue "Would the two of us have raised you? Would you have grown up here or elsewhere?"

Again, more silence.

Vergil chuckled dryly "I don't even know if she's still alive… there's the possibility that she died and you were left. All alone"

Nero stared long and hard at his estranged father. For the first time, he truly saw the man's age. The tired look in his eyes and the thousands of thoughts running behind those eyes.

Nero took a deep breath before saying "Well… you can be here, now"

\------------------------------

After Dante was freshly showered, Kyrie offered to send them off with something to eat before departure; something that Dante was more than eager to accept.

After saying their farewells, Vergil procured a portal to the shop. On the other side of the portail, was the alleyway next to the strip club next to the shop.

"Home sweet home" Dante announced as he unlocked the front doors.

The second Vergil walked through those doors, he was his with a foul odor. A revolting mixture of old pizza, stale beer, and overall gross man smell.

"Dante" he growled "This place is a pigsty"

An offended look crossed Dante's face "It's not that bad!"

"Do you not smell that?"

Dante took a whiff "Smell what?"

Vergil rolled his eyes "Of course you don't…"

The more Vergil wandered around the building, the more disgusted he became.

Then he saw the bathrooms.

Vergil wanted to end it all right there.

He returned to the lobby and grabbed Dante by the collar.

"What the hell, Verge?!"

"This place his disgusting"

Dante rolled his eyes "We can't all live like fat cats, man"

"No, but we don't have to live in absolute filth"

He shoved Dante back to the desk and readied the Yamato.

"Where the hell are you going?!"

Vergil said nothing as he walked through the portal, leaving Dante.

\-------------------

He returned to Nero's home, surprising the young hunter.

"You're back?"

"I refuse to live in that squalor"

Nero internally winced "Guessing you saw the office?"

Vergil gave Nero a look of disbelief "You're aware of the state of the shop?"

Nero sighed "Yeah… I've tried to clean it, but Dante just complains"

Vergil scoffed "Of course he does"

He wordlessly grasped Nero's collar and dragged him through a new portal.

\-------------------

When Nero was dragged to the shop, the stench of the shop assaulted his nose.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" he exclaimed "How the hell does it smell even worse?!"

Dante tossed his hand up in the air "You too, kid?"

Nero scrunched his nose "This place stinks, old man!"

Dante sighed "Yeah, yeah… I know"

Vergil forced Dante to stand "We are going to clean this pigsty"

Dante groaned "C'mon, Verge…"

Vergil flicked Dante's forehead "You don't have a choice"

Nero smirked at his father and uncle's banter. He turned to leave "Going out to get supplies!"

Vergil hummed "Dante can reimburse you, later"

Dante frowned "WHAT THE HELL!"

\-------------------------

When Nero returned to the shop with cleaning supplies, the hard work began.

They first started in the lobby. They started with the empty liquor bottle and empty pizza boxes and tossed them into the dumpsters in the alleyway.

Vergil handed Dante a broom "You, dear brother, are going to help me sweep"

Dante slouched "Man…"

In retaliation, Vergil struck Dante in the face with the broom handle "No complaining!"

Nero, who was cleaning the stairs, snickered at the two "C'mon, Dante. This place has been gross for years. It's about damn time it gets cleaned"

"Yeah, yeah" Dante sighed as he started to sweep the floors.

Vergil looked over to Nero "How are those stairs coming along?"

Nero sat up and admired his work "Great, actually. Wipe away all of the shit and they ACTUALLY look nice"

Once the stairs, lobby, kitchen and room were clean, the true beasts were left to be done: the bathrooms.

The three stood outside of the upstairs bathroom, not wanting to go in.

Vergil scrunched his nose as the smell and state of the bathroom "How are you dead from disease?"

Nero scoffed "That's what I'm wondering"

Dante gave his brother and nephew an offended look "You guys suck…"

Vergil rolled his eyes "No matter. Let's get this over with" he looked over to Nero "Do you have bleach?"

Nero held up a few bottles "I have bleach and a few other things. Should help make the bathrooms not gross"

Vergil pulled on rubber gloves "I'll take it"

They first started in the bathtubs. Nero poured a concoction down the drain to clear the pipes while Vergil scrubbed the grime from the porcelain. Dante was assigned to clean the floor and walls.

After the tubs and sinks were taken care of, the toilets were last.

Nero was stirring something that only Vergil could describe as a potion.

He slowly poured some of the mixture into the toilet bowl and flushed. In an instant, the grime and… gunk was cleaned from the bowl. After a few more flushes, the toilet was presentable.

After everything was done, Nero crashed onto the floor with a loud sigh "Finally done…"

Vergil tossed the rubber gloves into a nearby trash can as he said "We got it done, at least. And don't forget, Dante WILL reimburse you for the supplies you bought"

Dante made an offended noise "Come on, Verge!"

Nero grinned impishly "Come on, UNCLE Dante. Be a team player"

Dante fell quiet at the familial term before sagging his shoulders in defeat "Fine… not like mind having more debt added"

Vergil tensed up as he seethed "More. Debt???"

Nero shot up from the floor and headed for the doors "I'm out! Going to get pizza! You like stuffed crust, Vergil"

Vergil looked back at Nero "Very much. I'll pay you back"

Nero waved his hand dismissively "Nah…" and he left the shopped, leaving Dante alone with a very angry Vergil.

Come on, Verge! Give me a break---OW---HEY COME ON! PUT THE BROOM DOWN!"


End file.
